Tougher Than The Rest... Much Tougher

Things I learned today:

1. I need to grow a pair of emotional balls

2. Sometimes a good cry makes it all better

3. Life gives you what you need

4. I dig music. I already knew that but today it's been reinforced times a million.

I have been super stressed at work. Being a busy office and trying to transition to a new charting system equals a constant tension headache that won't go away no matter how many Excedrin I ingest or the occassional beer that I drink. I so need a vacation. I've been saying that for months. But I really mean it this time.

You know that stress where you are so worn out, your brain is mush that you can't even spell your own name but there is no time to break down? Which that reminds me, check out the song "Breakdown" by Cross Canadian Ragweed. That's so the vibe I'm feeling right now. Here are some of the lyrics:

"Well I'd like to break down,
but I don't have the time.
You're all looking to me, to keep it in line.
Well I'm gonna keep it in line. "

I love music. There is always someone out there that can say exactly how I'm feeling when I can't. I think I'm a rock star in another life. Too bad I don't have a lick of musical talent. I'm pretty good at the air guitar and acting like I'm the lead singer. Do those count? No? Dang!

See how I get so off track. Geez! Somebody get me some Atterol!

Back to the mountain of stress in my brain.

I've been putting going to the dentist off for months because I knew I had a cavity, maybe two max. I don't have a phobia of the dentist or anything, it's just that going means I have to actually look reality in the face. That's no fun. Yes I do drink way too many sodas but I brush my teeth twice a day. So I'm in the clear.

After my cleaning, the dentist came in to go over everything with me and he is spouting off numbers to his hygienist. Little did I know, those numbers that he was spouting off where the numbers of teeth in my mouth that needed work. So there I am. Sitting in the dentist chair thinking that I have a few minor problems. I wish.

When I got the number I almost passed out. I could feel that tightness in my throat. I tried my best to stiffen my bottom lip so it wouldn't quiver. I kept blinking to try and will the tears away. And then that's when he looked at me trying to hold it together. By the way, he is a personal friend of ours so that added insult to injury. And he said, "Come on, Kac, hold it together. We'll get through this."

Great! Let's acknowledge what I'm trying so hard to hide. And..... there is goes. One tear down the cheek is followed by just a couple more. Not that this news was that big of a deal but everything in my life leading up to this was the bushels of straw on the camel's back. This was just THE straw.

I pull myself together just long enough to make my appointment to get this grueling process started. As fast as I can, I get into my car then I let it all fall apart. I was a nasty, ugly, slobbery mess. Sitting in the parking lot bawling my eyes out, I was quite the site. Thank god for aviator sunglasses. Wow, was I a pansy ass or what? Yep. Pretty much.

After a couple minutes of a no holds bar, feeling sorry myself sob fest I tell myself that I'm being ridiculous. But I noticed that I felt tons better. It was like every tear was a pound of stress escaping my body. Only if those tears were actual pounds of fat! Then I'd be crying all the time!! Not really, but it would be nice. It felt like I could actually put some distance in between me and it all.

On my drive home I have some time to decompress and bring myself back from the brink of a total melt down and a song on my playlist comes up that I fell in love with many years ago. By the end of it, I'm renewed. I'm my tough self again, minus my mascara and makeup. I'm back to playing the air drums on the steering wheel and singing into my hand like I would if I where on stage belting it out, hair flips and all. I love playing rock star. It's one of my favorite things.

Like I've said before in many other blogs, life gives you what you need. A song, an epiphany, money, opportunities, blessings, a dose of reality and sometimes a break. If that song wasn't a dose of reality to realize everything is and will be ok and to not take myself AND life too seriously that it causes stress in my life, then I don't have any other explanation for it.

Since this blog has been lacking one of my favorite things in this whole world, I'm going to fill that rock n roll void by posting the lyrics of the song that gave my day a u-turn. I found this band about 7 years ago in a bar on an off night. Just going there to have fun, I was immediately mesmerized by their sound and clever lyrics and got lost in the bass drum and spent more time tapping my foot and dancing in my chair than drinking beer. I have since followed them to many more shows and made several CD and t-shirt purchases. They are a great band.

Keep on rockin' in the free world!
-Kaci

Phil Pritchett
"Tougher Than The Rest"

"She's got a face
That knows no concept of fear
Even criminals and never-do-wells vanish each time she appears
She's got a reputation as somebody who knows how to get things done
She's got a habit of pickin up red hot pots and pans
With her bare hands, just for fun

She doesn't care about all the everyday stresses
She's a bag of nails beneath her colorful dresses
She's tougher than the rest (much tougher)
Tougher than the rest (much tougher)
A little hardship brings out her best, her best

Aw, fever, I'm at 105 degress
I got the sweats and the shakes
And the pain in my neck, back, and in my knees
And any diagnosis will show that psychosis
Is the cause of my grief
But she's the one who fills me up
With all of the strength, hope, and belief

She doesn't care about the things that make us worry
She can run around at speeds and never hurry
She's tougher than the rest (much tougher)
Tougher than the rest (much tougher)
A little hardship brings out her best, her best

The spirit in her is holy
She drinks her beer slowly
She lights the candles in her room
With a strike of a match
The band helps me say it
My guitar helps me play it
Keep the bass low down
And stay on the high hat for God sakes

She's tougher than the rest (much tougher)
Tougher than the rest (much tougher)
A little harship brings our her best, her best
Heyyy, Heyyy, Heyyy "